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Myth 1: A good mom likes her children all the time
Woman's Day~Christine Nicholson, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Sequim, Washington, thinks it’s perfectly OK that Meryl Beck lets her sons know when they are not her favorite people. It’s when you suppress those less-than-motherly feelings that you’re more likely to lose control and act in ways that you’ll regret, she points out.
Given the challenges of raising kids, it would be impossible for you to be happy with your brood, and they with you, every day. “Some days you just want to pack their bags, drop them off at the train station and drive away,” says Dr. Nicholson. “That’s normal. If you can find the caring, kind parts of you 75 percent of the time, you’re doing really well!”
Me~ This is true WD, I am fully aware that it is perfectly acceptable for me to tell my perfect child that even though I love him unconditionally and he can never change that, that I am entitled to being upset with him when he does wrong. Although my child is too young for this to occur as of yet (there's not much wrong he can do when he's not even toddling yet) but just so we're on the same page when he gets older I'm laying it on the table early, No need to set him up for failure! But, WD says that it is A-okay to dislike your child and let them know that they are disliked when they're bad. I think what they meant to say is, let him know that he's done something wrong and you expect better, but you will always love and like him no matter how wronged you feel, because you and I both know my child will always be perfect (in my eyes).
Myth 2: A good mom bonds with her children immediately
WD~Rachel Brown of Clifton, New Jersey, had fallen in love instantly with her first two children. So she was distraught when she didn’t experience that automatic attachment the third time around with son Jared. “It wasn’t until he was almost a year old that I began to feel that same bond,” says Rachel, who still harbors guilt about it today, almost four years later.
For the most part, women do have strong instincts to protect, nurture and love their kids. Sometimes, however, your newborn may seem like a stranger at first. Bonding isn’t always instantaneous, Dr. Sanford reassures. “Like any relationship, your connection to your children develops over time,” she explains. “You learn to become a mom by getting to know them and by them getting to know you.” Instead of feeling inadequate or blaming yourself, focus on the many successes you help your child achieve as he grows.
Me~ I only have one child so far, but I have found that the love you have for a child is different than any love you've ever experienced before. It is my understanding that you will never possess exactly the same form of love for all children. No matter how many children a person has they can't have the same exact relationship or some exact type of love for each of the children. Each child is unique so each love is unique. No child is loved more or less than the others, just differently. This is what I've heard all my life, and though I haven't experienced making the differentiation for myself as of yet, this is what I hope to be true. I think that if I did have multiple children and knew in my heart that I held them on a sliding scale of which child I loved more all the way down to the one I loved least, or even that I'd always love the oldest more because he was the first, I would be racked with guilt and unable to sleep at night. That being said, I'd like to think (and hope) that it's not that a person like the one in this example should feel guilty because there's no possible way that she hasn't developed a relationship with her third child, it's just that she doesn't understand how it is different and just as perfect yet, but she will!
Myth 3: A good mom balances it all
Me~ Yeah I just skipped them on this one (sorry WD). You know what it said, right? Again, the link is at the top, and we know it's okay to be a little off balance, don't feel bad was the point of it. BUT, my idea behind this is that if I try to hold myself up to the pedastal of the good, perfectly balanced mom icon, I'd need a team of about twelve
Myth 4: A good mom spends a lot of time with her kids—and they like her because of it
WD~You volunteer in the classroom, chaperone the field trips, coach your daughter’s soccer team—all in an effort to get closer to your kids. But is it too much of a good thing? “Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt,” muses Kelley Cunningham of Honesdale, Pennsylvania, author of What’s the Matter with Mommy? Cunningham had been a stay-at-home mom for eight years. Worried that her three sons would feel abandoned after she returned to work full time, she wanted to be sure to give them extra attention at night, talking and laughing with them as she tucked them into bed. But whenever her evening routine went on too long, she’d hear, “OK, that’s enough. Can I go to sleep now?”
Me~I'm just going to simplify... Oy, kids can't grow without the room to flourish. And I can't keep my sanity without having my moments. So, I agree with WD, just in a more blunt sort of fashion ;) But until my son gets old enough to tell me he can do it himself I'm there for every second of firsts that I can witness, and video tape, and write about, and encourage!!
Myth 5: A good mom belongs to one big, supportive Moms Club
Where can I sign up for a big, supportive Moms Club that can do things for me whenever I need them, because I'm totally in!!! You don't have to be Mrs. Popularity to be a good mom. But if I could I would, for shO!!
So, their conclusion is to rely on insticts, and I totally agree, no research or outside opinion can trump what I know in my heart now that I have the wonderful privilege of being a mom! And it never hurts to try to be
Dudununuuuuhhh, Supermom!!!
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